11.25.05
ATM Instructions…
In another forum I enjoy (ScionLife), this bit of humor was recently posted:
A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: “Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
“After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.”
MALE PROCEDURE:
- Drive up to the cash machine.
- Put down your car window.
- Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
- Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
- Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
- Put window up.
- Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
- Drive up to cash machine.
- Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
- Set parking brake, put the window down.
- Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
- Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up
- Attempt to insert card into machine.
- Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
- Insert card.
- Re-insert card the right way.
- Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
- Enter PIN.
- Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
- Enter amount of cash required.
- Check makeup in rear view mirror.
- Retrieve cash and receipt.
- Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
- Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
- Re-check makeup.
- Drive forward 2 feet.
- Reverse back to cash machine.
- Retrieve card.
- Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
- Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
- Restart stalled engine and pull off.
- Redial person on cell phone.
- Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
- Release Parking Brake.
That called to mind a perfect example from back when I was still just an engineer…
The following is true, except for my changing the gal’s name … last I knew she was still an engineer with that company.
Brandi was a really nice gal, smart, good looking, good with people, good mom, etc. She was a fellow engineer, but she got the easier jobs, not because she couldn’t handle the more complex ones, but because our jobs had deadlines. We’d learned from experience.
The lack was not her technical knowledge, her lack was common logic. You could see this EVERY DAMNED DAY when she arrived at work.
Many of us parked in the parking garage under our building. All of the doors inside and outside that building were controled with card keys.
That included the garage entry and exit liftgates.
Brandi knew that when she arrived at the garage she would have to insert her card in the reader to get the gate to open for her car.
This is what would transpire as the line behind her, blocking commuter traffic on the busy street, watched, unbelieving.
Brandi would pull up to the garage entry, which left her car partly in the street. She would then grab her purse and start the extended search for her card key. When she finally found it, she would swipe it elegantly through the reader, and drop it in her purse. The gate, a small version of what one might find at a railroad crossing, would then rise majestically into the air and she would drive into the garage.
Once inside, she would park in her stall, walk to the door between the garage and the elevator lobby and again start the search for the same card key to open THAT door.
After finding her card, getting in an elevator, and arriving on the ninth floor, she would again search her purse for her card key to, you guessed it, open the door to our engineering offices.
Every morning saw this same activity. I kid you not!
I won’t begin to guess how many times others suggested she keep her card in one special place in her purse, to wear it on a chain around her neck, to clip it to her collar, do ANYTHING so she would have it ready for use.
I mean, she KNEW the first thing she needed when she got to the building was her card key, WHY couldn’t she have it ready to use? Why didn’t she find it before she even left her house? *sigh*
Brandi was also one to not start looking for her credit card, money, or even checkbook until the clerk, wait person, attendant, whatever, presented her with the final total for her bill.
I was with her ONCE when she was paying by check for something. It was an amazing performance. After the desk clerk had added up all the room charges for her hotel stay and presented her with the totaled bill she THEN began to look for her checkbook.
After she found that she then amazed the gathering crowd (all hoping, I’m sure, to check out and catch airplanes or whatever) by searching for her own pen to write the check.
Once she got it written, and dropped the pen back into her purse, she searched her purse for her card holder and searched the holder for her driver’s license.
After each step she would drop whatever it was she just used back into her purse. You should have guessed by now – when her license was handed back, she had to find the card holder and the empty space inside it before she could take her now paid bill and move out of the way.
Somehow the simple logic of keeping something in her hand when she knew it was to be used soon was beyond her.
Despite this amazing lack, she was an hard worker and excellent organizer.
I somehow feel that Brandi would understand the instructions for her gender in that joke…
Hope you all had a good Thanksgiving Day yesterday!